


Will It Vend

by its_feldspar



Category: All Elite Wrestling, Being The Elite (Web Series), Professional Wrestling
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kayfabe Compliant, One Shot, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24133642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_feldspar/pseuds/its_feldspar
Summary: Backstage at AEW, vending machine struggles
Kudos: 29





	Will It Vend

**Author's Note:**

> (I know that Jungle Boy talks now, don't @ me)
> 
> If you got here via name searching yourself or a co-worker, just know that this was written with love and I hope you have a great day!

Most everyone was in catering but two thirds of the Jurassic Express had decided to see what they could scrounge up from the vending machines backstage, since Marko didn't want to deal with Dark Order perverts or Sammy Guevara's dumbass vlog drones, and since Jungle Boy had followed along behind Marko. Unfortunately, the AEW roster was deep enough that, even there, Marko found that he couldn't get a moment of peace. 

"Oh, look, here come these idiots." Marko muttered as he tried to flatten out a crumpled dollar bill on the side of the snack machine. "The Dumbshit 2. Or the Hybrid Dumbshits? What do you think, Jungle Boy?"

Marko nudged his friend in the ribs and Jungle Boy turned away from his intense study of the vending machine lights. He stared at Jack Evans and Angelico for a couple of seconds before he looked back to Marko and shrugged.

"Yeah, I agree," Marko nodded "Hybrid Dumbshits is better. Cause y'all are like a hybrid of a pain in my ass and an even bigger pain in my ass."

"Wait, who are you calling idiots?"

"Haha yeah, up top Jungle Boy!" 

Marko raised his hand for a high five. There was a long moment where Jungle Boy silently regarded his palm. Then he reached up and gently pressed his own hand against Marko's with a solemn nod. With a sigh, Marko withdrew his hand.

"...nevermind." Marko fished some change out of his pocket and turned to plug the coins into the vending machine as Jack Evans and Angelico went off again behind him.

"Look at these Wrath of Khan lookin' nerds!"

"Where's your dad?"

"Your dinosaur dad." 

"He's not our dad, fuck off."

"Your dino dad."

"Your DD."

"Your Designated Dad."

"That guy's a fuckin' narc."

"Well, yeah," Marko muttered under his breath as he jabbed at the buttons on the vending machine. "You got that right at least." 

"I don't think your dino dad would approve of that after school snack."

"Sugar rots your teeth."

"I'll kick you in the teeth." Marko turned around to stare up at them "Wait, Takis aren't even sweet, what are you talking about."

"You know what else rots your teeth?"

"What else rots your teeth?"

"Crystal meth."

"Yeah." Jack Evans nodded.

"Yeah." Angelico nodded too, and for a weird stretched second they moved in sync, heads bobbing in a perfectly matched rhythm, before they turned and walked away.

"What? What the fuck was that about? I -" Marko cut off as Jungle Boy tapped him on the shoulder "What is it now Jungle Boy?"

Jungle Boy cocked his head to the side and Marko turned back around to look at the vending machine. His bag of Takis had failed to dispense, hanging instead with one corner of the purple bag hooked over the end of the silver spinning thing.

"Son. Of. A." Marko slapped the side of the machine. The Takis remained stubbornly stuck in place. "Jungle Boy?"

Once, twice, Jungle boy hit the side of the machine. He grabbed the edges and shook it back and forth, but still the Takis remained unmoved. Then all at once Jungle Boy let loose on it with a flurry of smacks, that had a surprisingly familiar rhythm to them. Marko caught himself vibing along with before he made the connection and asked

"Is that Phil Collins?"

Jungle Boy nodded.

"Hell yeah, I knew it. In The Air Tonight fuckin' slaps!"

With an agreeable nod, Jungle Boy reached out and smacked the side of the machine again. 

"No, Jungle Boy, that's not -"

Suddenly, an aura of immense chill enveloped the vending area as Orange Cassidy slouched around the corner. He moved with such a deep placidity that if he were in water he wouldn't have left the slightest hint of wake. Was Orange awake, or was he sleepwalking? Not even the greatest scientific minds of the century could have made that distinction.

"Oh no, oh shit!" Marko exclaimed as he pretended to recoil.

Jungle Boy hesitated with his hand drawn back from the machine to look from Marko to Orange and back again.

"We better be on the lookout Jungle Boy, 'cause where there's smoke there's fire. Alright, Cassidy, where are your idiot friends? How long have I got until they show up like awkward fuckin' turkey vultures that wanna ask me how I wipe my ass?"

If Orange Cassidy heard Marko, he gave no indication. He merely continued to drift by with an assured stillness so mighty that it could have carved glacial valleys into the mightiest of mountains. 

"Chuck keeps asking me why I'm not watching his snapchat stories but all he ever posts are pictures of his dog's butthole and videos of Trent eating, and I'm like, what the hell, why do you think I would want to see -" 

Jungle Boy smiled and waved at Orange Cassidy. With an incomprehensibly purposeful ponderousness, Orange inclined his head in a nod to Jungle Boy adjusted his trajectory ever so slightly, the minutest amount of effort expended so that he could turn himself in their direction. 

As Orange meandered nearer to them, Jungle Boy waved toward the vending machine, tapped the glass in front of where Marko's snack was trapped, then pointed to Marko and made an exaggerated expression of overwhelming sorrow. 

"What the hell man, I didn't look like that!"

Jungle Boy mimed crying, sobbing silently with his hands clasped in front of him.

"Dude! Knock it off!"

Orange drifted between them just as Marko was about to jump at Jungle Boy. His expression was as neutral as always, his eyes hidden behind those aviator shades. Marko was about to ask him what theme park gift shop he got those sunglasses at when Orange finally stopped, and turned to look at Jungle Boy, and, for once, Marko didn't speak. 

It was as if the two of them carried on an entire conversation without a single sound. Marko had no idea what was being communicated in the long silence between Jungle Boy and Orange Cassidy, only that, when it was over, the unspeakable happened. Orange Cassidy said "okay." 

Then he took one of his hands out of his pocket.

Orange Cassidy reached out and touched the glass front of the vending machine. He pressed his palm flat against it in the softest gesture imaginable. At that moment, the Global Seismograph Network sensor at a nearby university registered a localized earthquake event so powerful that it would have to be dismissed as an instrument error. From where Marko was standing the contact was so gentle, so without impact that there wasn't even the faintest hint of a sound.

With that, the Takis fell. Dropped free so easily that it was as if they had never been trapped at all.

"Uh." Marko said. "Thanks?" 

Jungle Boy grinned and gave an enthusiastic thumbs up while Marko retrieved the chipsbchips, Orange merely returned his hand to his pocket and turned away to continue on his interminable journey.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Also,
> 
> Jack Evans: Marko Stunt, more like Marko-  
> Jack Evans: (coughing)  
> Angelico:  
> Jack Evans: (coughing)  
> Angelico:  
> Jack Evans: (coughing)  
> Angelico:  
> Jack Evans: (coughing) blunt. Marko Blunt.  
> Angelico: haha nice  
> Luchasaurus: do you think drug use is funny?


End file.
